Letting Go (May 2010)

Although we’re sad about losing our dad, we have a lot of joy in our hearts.  I’m not sure I would feel this way if it were not for T’ai Chi Chih. Dad was diagnosed with dementia after a stroke in 2004, and Mom died in 2007 after a 20-year chronic battle with spinal muscular atrophy.  They were the “M and M team.”  Mom was his Memory and Dad was her Muscle.  My two sisters and I began our journey in May 2007 when Mom died and Dad needed 24/7 care.  We aren’t really sure what happened, but at 82 years old, Dad became an insatiable walker. He would walk at least five miles a day, and you could see how this helped his mind be still and freed him from the dementia.  Our family, however, was quite exhausted from all the walks, and we would do what we could to keep him seated and get some rest. 

I started taking TCC classes in February 2008 and was so excited about how I felt that I shared this with my sister, Barbara.  We both liked TCC so much that we started practicing together (inside and outside) at Dad’s house on Tuesdays. In order to give Dad some rest, we would give him a snack and have him sit on a bench to watch us; we asked him to let us know how we were doing.

One day while practicing I looked over and saw Dad watching us while eating his cookies. Tears started to flow as I thought of the day he wouldn’t be sitting there on that bench. My sister noticed and we stopped to talk about it.  Within minutes we were back to practicing, allowing ourselves to feel all the emotions that come with letting go.  This special moment is something my sister and I will treasure, a true gift when you aren’t looking for one. 

Dad is still with me on Tuesday’s when I practice, and I sometimes visualize him on the bench watching.  This fills me up and brings tears of joy, remembering those moments when we all shared TCC together.