TCC Extra Credit #1

I think a lot about how compassion is the opposite of self-criticism. When I say self-criticism, I do not mean reflecting on how I have acted, I mean punishing myself or saying terrible things to myself, something I got good at in middle school and never quite got rid of. One of my strategies for getting out of the self-critiquing mindset is to step back and have compassion for the parts of me that are hurting. My anger often comes from a place of fear and when I can acknowledge that, be kind to that part of myself, and attempt to understand why I’m feeling the way I do, I can snap out of it.

I hear something similar from Justin Stone when he writes in Climb the Joyous Mountain that self-pity and gratitude “cannot exist in the same breath. We are not grateful for what we have — which is not lasting and so is not ours — we are grateful for what we are. When self-pity is displaced by gratitude, automatically half our illness is gone.” Feeling badly about myself and about what I have or don’t have is the antithesis of gratitude.

Material objects are just that: material. They will not come along with us after we die, or when we get old. We attach feelings to them, but the objects themselves are emotionless. Very few people regret owning too few things on their deathbed. Many people regret not being more present in their lives.

When Justin talks about this, I hear a similarity in the emotional work I’ve been doing. We can feel badly about ourselves, about what we own or what we’ve done. But focusing on that will make us miserable. Happiness comes from fulfillment, from knowing ourselves and having gratitude for who we are.