College Students Reflect on Softness

After reading the first page on Softness from “The Essence of T’ai Chi Chih” in Spiritual Odyssey by Justin Stone, UNM T’ai Chi Chih college students reflected: “How does softness express itself in my life? How/where might I invite more softness?”

Thinking of softness is actually quite hard. Perhaps it’s not that my idea of what softness is is wrong, but this article puts it in a way that’s harder to see in myself. The moments I’ve classified as softness are when I stop and look at the sun coming in through my window in the morning or stop on the stairs in my house which have a pleasing curve to them, and I feel grateful. Or when I look at my cat and feel a swell of affection towards him, even if he’s doing something that would ordinarily annoy me.

In that respect, I have “bamboo” moments when I look at something that brings feelings of tension, irritation, or annoyance with a more empathetic, or perhaps objective perspective. I look at those feelings and why they might not be necessary in that moment. Maybe in doing so, I’m trying to shave away my “oak,” wearing it into something more pliable. I’m my father’s daughter, in that I can lose my temper or internal peace over very small things. But I am tired of being that way, just as my dad exhausts himself with his anger. I believe T’ai Chi Chih (TCC) has helped calm my inner world and allows me to accept softness where I need it. 

Areas I could invite more softness? My thoughts could have more softness, in how I think about myself and others. With more softness, I might allow things to roll off my back. I could be less critical of the world. I could invite softness to the fear I feel daily, so that I wouldn’t need to run from things that have not happened. I could invite softness to who I think I should be, because that me is always framed as unattainable. There is always room to improve, but trying to berate and force myself into being better only makes me into oak, ready to snap at the first storm ahead. — M.W.

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Reflecting on softness makes me feel warmth — like being on a cloud, in a bed full of cushioned pillows. Softness is the tranquility found in the beauty within us. It’s something we receive when we’re grounded, when we feel connected through every part of our body. In my life, softness is something real, something you can feel when you allow yourself to just be.

“Just be” may sound like something to be but movements and simply breathing helps you grasp the whole sensation of being held and kept safe in your body. Softness makes you feel calm; it relaxes your body; your mind is open to letting go of worries and simply being in the moment.

In a world of perfection, toughness, and haste, it is important to recognize that softness can relate to gentleness. I often push myself to do more, be on time, act a certain way, be a certain way, breathe a certain way when things get hard. Then I lose focus about why I am actually “here.” Softness isn’t about being fragile but about knowing where you stand and allowing yourself to be connected with the ground and things that make you, you. 

Even when things get challenging, it is okay to have grace. It is important to believe and have faith. To know that each breath that you take is an exhale of energy that relaxes the mind, body, and soul. Softness is not for the weak; it is not to become lazy; it is to ease the body and mind. — Guadalupe C-M

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In the literal sense, I like soft items, clothes, and animals. In the spiritual or ideological sense, I try to keep a soft, malleable mind and philosophy. Materially, I have specific preferences about the texture or feel of my clothes, so much so that I can’t function if they are distracting me. This distraction correlates to stress; if my clothes don’t feel right, it starts a feedback loop. Philosophically, I come to softness naturally.

My parents taught me how to open discussions between two opposing opinions, and it has served me well. In hotly debated topics such as politics, nobody expects a simple question, “What do you believe?” or “What do you think of this?” or “What led you to that conclusion?” Questioning without retaliation can take the ideological fight out of someone, and that opens up communication. I would invite more softness into my life in ways that would make me a more flexible communicator. The climate of our country is getting violent, and we need to communicate if we are to pull through. The answer is not to climb alone to a distant plateau, but to quiet the rage and build a ladder together. — Ezra Corcoran

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Softness is having feelings that I normally don’t experience or physically show. Sometimes I think about my past and wonder if I could have done things to make my life better, and then I feel guilty about not doing those things. Or I wallow in pity because I feel like the world is against me. Going through these emotions is similar to how bamboo shoots bend with the wind whenever there is a lot of gusts; I have to withstand tough times to get to better ones.

Softness is present whenever I lay in bed. It allows Chi to flow through the body, and I feel this the most while lying down. I sometimes notice muscles are tense while lying down and make a conscious decision to let go. Then, I can start feeling what I believe to be Chi.

Whenever I leave my home, I am more self-aware about my posture, which may be a good thing, but it also inhibits softness. I can focus on moving more softly by being light on my feet and relaxing my muscles while walking to have more softness. I can be softer in speech. I am very particular about pronunciation and being thoughtful whenever I talk. While that is a good thing, I could be more relaxed and not as hyper-focused on what I am saying in order to be more approachable. — Alex R.G.

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Softness expresses itself through moments of calm and forgiveness. I have felt close to softness when I am in nature and in the presence of people who I feel calm with. This spring break, I had a moment of clarity while lying in the bushes. I breathed with the bushes and let the wind blow over both of us. It felt sacred. The gentle sway of the bush and the smell wafting over me was soft and passive; it was not forcing me to feel it, yet the feeling in me felt very powerful.

Another moment I witnessed softness was when I was visiting my cousin and her baby. One afternoon my cousin left her baby under my care. While she was gone, my baby cousin cried on and off for a long time. Her crying created an intense compassion inside of me. I carried her around the house and rocked her gently. I offered my full attention to the needs of this little creature. Every movement felt slow and intentional and caring. This experience opened my mind to softness that I didn’t even know was inside of me. The commonality between these experiences was patience, allowing the experience to be. I didn’t rush them or try to change them. I just allowed the feelings to come and lived in awe of them. I would like to practice allowing strong feelings and meeting them with a welcoming energy. As in the reading, the way bamboo sways with the wind, I want to sway with the experience. — Morgan Merrill

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Softness expresses itself with the actions of breathing, visualizing, talking, eating, walking, and hearing. All of the senses on a day-to-day basis require no effort but do make an impact, as I do them without thinking. I can invite more softness into my life by thinking of ways to relax and becoming aware of tension that comes into my body and mind.

I am sometimes tense and clench my mouth. This has caused problems in my jaw, and I often experience pain in my mandible. T’ai Chi Chih (TCC) requires focus, through which I become aware of my tendency to clench my jaw and then release the tension.

Lately, I have been stressed with finals and everything towards the end of the semester. That makes it difficult to focus on the more important things in school. Going to T’ai Chi Chih (TCC) between classes allowed me to release stress and tension throughout the week. TCC has helped with my awareness of my breathing and focus throughout each class. Each week, I noticed a difference in my ability to do each movement and focus my attention on my feet. I can invite softness into my feet as they are always working and can be in pain and might need special attention. After massaging my feet and bringing awareness to them, I realized the importance of taking care of my feet and making sure to stay grounded to the earth through them. —Yesenia Sanchez