Connecting To Breath

T’ai Chi Chih is truly the gift that keeps on giving, often in surprising ways when least anticipated. It is the perfect, personal gift (with enormous lifelong benefits) for which my gratitude is both immeasurable and inexpressible. The newest gift that I’m discovering as a precious result of TCC practice is a solid connection to breath.

Are you a breath-holder, like me? Perhaps you, too, have spent most of your life unaware of being a breath-holder. It’s so natural, for me, to wait to exhale that others have had to remind me on several occasions to let go and breathe. What’s up with that? While I have clues about my own reluctance to exhale, I much prefer to rejoice in this new awareness of my relationship to breath and the internal peace it affords.

In these wildly divisive times, I’m discovering that the only place of peace is deep within the center of my being, which requires a connection to breath. It’s one thing to know the physical location of my body’s center: two inches inside and two inches below the navel. It’s another thing to arrive in the center of my being via inhaling and exhaling … and remain there in tandem with breath.

We know that TCC has no breathing instructions outside of Joyous Breath. But what is the first thing we do to ground ourselves as a prelude to practice? Exhale into the soles of the feet. Then we step left into Rocking Motion with its unspoken invitation to our inner essence to settle, peacefully, into center. No breathing instruction, yet the movements beckon us towards a quiet gentle evolution into stillness that elevates the quality of personal peace.

A student shared that on a turbulent flight she mentally engaged with Rocking Motion several times, delighting in how much calmer she felt for the duration of the bumpy flight. As I become older, fear of what might happen propels my unconscious breath-holding habit as fear’s dark shadow barges into my brain with negative clattering chatter. Fear has no respect for time of day or night, although it seems to become more emboldened when there is no light to shine on it.

The most effective calming balm, day or night, is Rocking Motion, my most treasured movement of TCC. Employed mentally or physically, somewhere during the first third or half of the Rocking Motion repetitions, I hear and feel my breath arrive in my physical center as if I am “at home again” in a conscious relationship with my breath. I hear and feel it working from the center of my being, connecting me with an essence and flow far greater than self or description. There is a comforting as well as humbling sense of “I am and I am safe. All is well.” This has become my go-to tool as news increasingly stirs the flames of collective, intense, emotional fervors. I turn off all external vitriol and tune in to the internal peace that exceeds all understanding.

This connection with breath is new for me, in spite of the fact that I’ve practiced and taught exhaling into the soles of the feet for 10 years. What’s changed? Perhaps my behavior ruts were so deep that it took this long to effect real change. It’s also possible that the extreme tensions occupying the world stage are so far beyond my abilities of comprehension and/or control that the only place I can go for relief is within. TCC is the gift that has taught me how and where to go for calm centering and genuine peace. I now own what I thought I previously understood well enough to teach. One doesn’t know what one doesn’t know until one lives it. Isn’t that the best kind of gift ever?

As I contemplate my breathing history, I’m realizing that TCC (without a strong emphasis on breathing) brought me into a vital relationship with a new companion – consciousness of and with my breath. I’m now experiencing breath as a constant companion, a faithful friend, the willing moderator of my emotions and my connection to all there is. Without it, I’d be dead, albeit grateful for its faithfulness.

As I become more aware of how to interact with breath, I listen to it, embrace it and welcome its power to enhance the quality of my life through conscious regularity of inhaling and exhaling. As I breathe into the soles of my feet, I rejoice in the immediate centering taking root in the t’an tien. Tuning into breath as I walk, I am grateful for the differences in breath’s rhythm as I walk on flat surfaces or steep inclines. Letting go of the need/desire to control and allowing movement and breath to flow as it will during TCC practice enhances my awareness of the rhythm and connection with Divine Flow. Something similar happens when my body and breath relax into sleep. Even if I skip a breath now and then, connecting to breath is akin to discovering a new super-power, over and over again.

Retracing my awareness of my relationship with breath ignites memories of learning TCC. I feel blessed by everyone within the worldwide TCC community for each and all of your contributions towards the development of this treasured gift and practice for my personal benefit. Most especially, thank you, Justin Stone for creating TCC and for all that you shared with me, personally and collectively, while you were among us. Whether I received instruction gracefully or not, I am enormously grateful for each and every life that has touched mine.