For Justin: With Love on Your Birthday

She stood before me — to learn T’ai Chi Chih —
she a single person
(but with a diagnosis of multiple personality).
She told me she was seeking better integration of her “parts”
(not unlike me, but unlike me nonetheless).

She said we must begin slowly. She said she had many barriers, especially about moving before another person.
She said she had experienced just about every kind of help.
But…..nothing much worked.
She was untrusting. She got close to no one.
She got tense from keeping her “parts” hidden.
She had back problems from being so overweight…but always ate.
She had knees that locked and would give her pain.
She tended to hold her breath.
We began slowly, quietly, with care.
I told her I always began slowly, quietly, with care.
I told her I welcomed her other “parts” to join us, when they felt ready.
I encouraged her to become softer in the knees and to keep breathing.
I reminded her to focus on her feet, solid on the ground.

We met one hour per week for a few weeks, one week at a time, until she began to request one hour more. And she practiced on her own.
It happened slowly, quietly, with care.

And she began to talk more.
She told me about the self-carvings on her arms, how one of her “parts” sought destruction.
We talked of carving a new way — through space — outer and inner — reshaping her, remolding her into a new and positive construction.
She said she liked that and saw the new form in the color purple.
She said she could breathe that color the most fully and began to breathe more fully imagining it.

And her knees softened. And her gaze softened. And she ate less.
And she said she was breaking through barriers, not having so much pain.
And she would even dance improvisationally with me around the room — with JOY.
And her “parts” began to join us — first the male protector — then the child — then the rebellious teen — then the frightened adult,
Only through the T’ai Chi Chih form itself.
They would come in and out of motions, in a changing as fluid as her performance of the form itself — with unbroken focus.
It was amazing to behold.

It was just as we were finishing the learning of the form that my family decided to move to Colorado and I knew our relationship would end.
The last day she gave me a loving note from ALL her “parts”.
I knew that loving was her most difficult barrier to cross.
I felt JOYFUL that the T’ai Chi Chih had helped to bring her “parts” into a more sharing vs. a warring relationship. I wished for that continuation, now that the form was hers.

Isn’t that what it’s all about? Thank you, Justin, for the gift.

– Judy Murphy
Colorado Springs, CO