From Performance To Prayer

There are days and moments in each of our lives that seem to live in our memory with a brighter intensity than the moment itself. After a letter, a phone call, an invitation, an event, a glance, a chance encounter, we might look back to realize how profoundly our lives were impacted in an unsuspected manner. We look back in awe to the significance of such a moment.

Do you remember the moment that led you to practicing T’ai Chi Chih? And after you were introduced to, or called towards, TCC, why have you continued? As I probed that question, numerous reasons came to mind (as if I even needed a reason). Justin instructs us to “practice when you feel like it, and practice when you don’t.” Certainly, that’s motivation enough; yet, I suspect that if we look closely, each of us has a personally compelling story as to why we make TCC a top priority each day. I also suspect our motivations to practice have evolved congruent with our practices.

I think it’s easy to underestimate TCC – and I absolutely love it when my students reach their first realization of the potency within their practice. Who would think that the shifting of one’s body weight, coupled with some coordinating, mechanically circular wrist movements, could significantly (and positively) alter one’s physical, mental, and spiritual experiences?

I’m reminded of the concentration it took to coordinate the weight shifts with the continuity and softness of gentle, even, hand/wrist movements. The observant and judging mental exercise shows up from time to time as I learn from other teachers’ demos and revisit Justin’s DVDs and books. It seems that within the learning, the components of the ‘doing’ exist: the mimicking and performance of specific instructions and corrections as we repeatedly explore the movements with our instructors. Each of us brings sincerest intentions to our learning; even so, in that process, it is we who are consciously doing TCC. I remember the first time I heard Justin speak about “TCC doing TCC.” I confess to being perplexed by his words because I was so deeply immersed in the “doing” of the learning.

As if doing wasn’t enough, there was also that thing about feeling the movements. In my naïve beginner’s mindset, my relationship with feeling had more to do about when and where the hands and wrists were in sync with the weight shifts. (At that time, the tan t’ien remained hidden.) I felt the soles of my feet, polarity between the palms, cold fingers, sporadic finger trembles, and the release of stress as a sense of calm and joy overtook my senses. Being in my head, I made mental notes of each of these so-called feelings. And, might I add, I also felt great pride in what I thought was “feeling” my practice – joyfully oblivious that my practice was actually more performance.

Do you remember when TCC began doing TCC? For me, it had everything to do with continuing my TCC practice. Commitment to going deeper into practice led me to understanding, locating, and moving from the tan t’ien. From there, the experiential richness of my practice increased in ways I never suspected possible – or I would have missed had I not continued on a regular basis.

Moving from the tan t’ien brought new dimension and depth to my practice. Once my awareness dropped from my head into my core, I began feeling TCC doing TCC. I’m certain my eyes widened with surprise at the initial realization. Fortunately, the grounding effect of being in one’s tan t’ien allowed me to be in my practice as an honored and humbled guest in the center of the Chi’s flow.

Moving from the tan t’ien shifted my practice from performance to what I can only describe as a state of prayer – one that has no “dear anyone” or “please” or “help me.” It’s a feeling of connection a Vital Force far grander than I comprehend. In this place, I feel as though I exist inside a sacred chamber of serenity, peace, love, joy, and gratitude – a place where all is well and I am one with All That Is, a reunion with the Uncarved Block. It is a place I can return to each time that I center myself in the tan t’ien to become one with my practice.

I know others describe very similar experiences. I also see it in my advanced students’ faces when the Chi enters their practice. The furrowed brows and lines in their faces disappear. Their skin glows as they flow without thinking about or judging performance of mechanics. There are times when each of us shares the feeling that something far greater than we, the Chi, has taken over and moved us as one unit.

Each of us has at least one personal reason why we embrace the importance of TCC practice. Imagine what we might have missed had we not practiced when we didn’t feel like it. On second thought, please don’t imagine that. Instead, let’sbwelcome the Blessings yet to be revealed as we continue TCC practice.