Graceful Conclusion, by Carmen L. Brocklehurst (May 2023)

Justin ended each T’ai Chi Chih (TCC) and Seijaku movement by saying the same thing: “Come to a graceful conclusion.” It sounded nice, but when I started my TCC journey I was never in the state of mind that had anything to do with a graceful conclusion. I was either too fast or too slow. Sometimes I had not even done the movements the way Justin was doing. At my teacher training, he looked at me in total disbelief and said, “Carmen, it isn’t hard; if I can do it and I’m twice your age, you can do it.” I was about 40 years old at the time and never thought I would feel graceful. How did graceful even feel? I was too busy trying to put my hands and feet in the right place. It felt impossible to experience what that would feel like. But that was the key: how did that feel?

Several years later Justin gave us a great gift at the 2002 teacher conference. His talk was about “How to Move.” He kept saying, “It isn’t about body placement. How does it feel?” I still didn’t get it. I knew I was supposed to move “like slow motion in a dream.” I had to let go of tightness and quit thinking so much. But then how would I know what to do? Wasn’t my brain in charge of my body? I tried to be looser, but it was mechanical and stiff. It sure didn’t feel like a passing cloud. How did a passing cloud feel, anyway? Woo, woo.

After many years of teaching and marveling at how gracefully my students were moving, I still didn’t really know how they got there. I was at our usual Tuesday morning session at the TCC Center with Justin. I heard myself say internally, “Look at how simple his movement is. I wonder what he is feeling. He sure looks relaxed and so deep.” I told myself to just follow him, not to think about it, just follow him. So, I did.

My brain relaxed. My body felt light and moved as he was moving. No thinking, no planning, no doing my own thing. But it was still me. I was lost for a moment, then I stopped thinking and the softness returned. I was just feeling. For the first time my wrists were soft — after so much trying to be soft, shaking out the stiffness. There was movement but no flowing. It was so simple when I followed him. That was a special practice. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world, as if I had always done it that way.

I then adopted the attitude of feeling the movements. The more I felt, the more comfortable I became with the movements. Then it became a way doing the movemements, and I finally began to learn how to love and share the Chi, as I came to a graceful conclusion.