Hovering Or Landing?

I just re-read The Vital Force and appreciated everyone’s honesty and willingness to share experiences. In almost every article, there was a sentence, a word and a paragraph that sent goose bumps through my whole body. What a conference it was. Thank you to all involved, to the ones who presented and those who attended. See you next summer. In joy! So if I may, I would like to join the conversation about the “hold or not to hold” in the graceful conclusion.

So, even though I would see Justin standing, at ease and in a relaxed manner, in between movements, I kept doing what I had always done. He patiently waited for each of us to release the close and then we would go on to the next movement. Then, one day, after practice, I dared ask him about holding the close and he answered, “It is all continuous, dear.” This puzzled me for years to come and reinforced my belief that what I was doing was okay. I did my best to make the practice “all continuous.”

When did it all change for me? At the first Minnesota conference, years ago, we were practicing T’ai Chi Chih in a circle and my gaze fell on Dora Derzon (whom I didn’t know then) and thought, “I need to go and practice next to her.” At the next opportunity, I asked if I could stand by her and if she would care to correct anything she thought needed improvement. At the end of Rocking Motion, she encouraged me to really ground. I thought I had been grounding when I concluded each movement, but I suddenly realized that I was not. Her advice jolted me from what I now call a “Hovering Conclusion” to a “Landing Conclusion.”

It was surprising, powerful and liberating all at once – sinking deeper with the knees, solid in grounding the energy, hands held parallel to the floor, followed by a complete release of the knees and wrists and the whole body and breathing. The subtle headache that had started left all at once. Of course, it took awhile for this correction to sink in. I had to apply myself, to try “this new way” again and again with each movement and feel the difference. I had to retrain myself to pay attention and to ground fully. I had to be mindful because habits have a tendency to come back au gallop.

Since then, I have come to realize that I do not have to make TCC into something beautiful. It already is. Most of all, I have to be patient with myself, explore the possibilities, get the thinking out of the way, and apply the principles and surrender to the Chi; that is the true teacher. 

I am grateful that Justin showed us over and over how to move and conclude, even when I didn’t know how to pay attention. I’m grateful for all the stories that he shared over and over and over. We have them written and recorded. I’m grateful for all the answers he gave even when they were unclear (to me). I’m grateful that I can travel to be with a community of teachers that cares about this practice, and I want to thank the ones who come forward to give me corrections and let me know when I’m off track. Thank you all for caring so much. 

Here is one of my favorite memories from the conference: The last practice had just ended and we were still in circle, when I heard a little soft voice coming out of my own mouth singing, “Joy, Joy, Healing thru Joy.” (I’m not a singer and when I told my husband, he got a real kick out of it.) Everyone joined in, and it was great. Was it Prajna in motion? It was joy spilling out and it was what I needed most of all: a joyful ending to a smashing conference. Justin was there right in the middle of it all.