Journal entries reveal varied results

To assist beginning students in reflecting upon their T’ai Chi Chih experiences both inside and outside of classes, I introduced a weekly journal assignment in all TCC credit-bearing courses at Kean University. Students were encouraged to express their feelings, thoughts and insights (written and/or drawn) in entries that would qualify for 20% of their final course grades.

The students led very hectic, and by their own admission, stressful lives. All were employed; many worked full time in addition to going to school full time. They also had increasing family responsibilities with aging parents and young children. Living and commuting in the densely populated New Jersey/New York area also challenged their quests for peace and harmony. The T’ai Chi Chih students represented many racial and ethnic backgrounds— African American, Asian, Indian and Latino/Latina and Middle Eastern, for example. Some recently immigrated to the United States and were just learning and using the English language. Ages spanned from 18 to 60, adding to the richness of the class groupings. Their journals represented their lives and dreams and how T’ai Chi Chih practice influenced what was a newfound existence.

In an attempt to capture their works for other students and teachers, I decided to draft an article. I first gathered approximately 100 journals beginning with the first course that was offered in Spring 2000. I selected salient quotes from the entries and then compiled those quotes filling over 15 single-spaced typed pages. Finally, I identified seven major themes that emerged from the students’ voices: Initial Impressions, Benefits, Characteristics of Movements, Characteristics of the Chi, Teh, Impressions About Justin Stone, and Lasting Impressions. This article sounds their voices around these major themes.

Initial Impressions

The vast majority of students taking the course stated that they knew nothing about the T’ai Chi Chih discipline. Their reasons for enrolling were because they needed the credit to graduate, it fit into their schedules, and it seemed “different” from the other physical education offerings. Students spoke of a great need to relax, to become calmer at work, at home and at school, to take time for themselves and to find an answer to the daily grind. As one student wrote,

I took the class for the one credit I need as a gym requirement, and now I am happy that I chose this class and not square dancing or volleyball. It is much more profitable to gain knowledge as to how I can calm myself down than how I can work myself up.

Some found the course to be more challenging than expected, not physically but mentally. “Concentration not to know how to react to defend yourself, but concentration to learn to relax. I have always found it very difficult to relax my mind and body; even in relaxing atmospheres…I am always tense.” The slowing of mind and body was also difficult for individuals accustomed to fast-paced lives. As one student said,

I was able to clear my mind and therefore relax my body completely for like the first time ever…You see, I have a fairly hectic life, well once I make hectic in my mind. I take everything to heart and constantly am worrying about something. The littlest things tend to bother me in a big way. One of my goals through this class is not to worry about all those things.

Some reported a skepticism yet openness to the course and for what T’ai Chi Chih practice could bring to their lives. For example,

The quizzical looks that everyone shot my way [when told I was taking a TCC class] reflected the same skepticism I felt when I first started. I have found that if you allow yourself the time and permission to explore, this may be the greatest gift someone can give themselves for the holidays.

When beginning the course a student said she was open and hoped it would be worth “the pain. It is not the pain that scares me most, because I really did not think I would simply coast; no it is the thought, that maybe I could learn something new and exciting…” Toward the end of the course, this same student concluded,

It has given me satisfaction knowing I have brought out something within myself that I never gave much thought about. This class was also a breakthrough…knowing I will have the knowledge…for the rest of my life.

Some others spoke about feeling awkward and out-of-place initially. For example, a student commented,

At first, I felt terribly out of sync. It wasn’t going to be easy to let my arms flutter like butterflies when for so many years, I’ve been conditioned not to…Do I really need this class to graduate? Saying, I could either drop out now, or find out if this thing really works. All the while knowing deep-down, I needed something to relieve my stress.

This student later reversed her opinion, became much more comfortable,

For me, my skepticism has turned into acceptism. I truly believe that we all have a life force running within each of us, and its up to us to develop it and realize its potential. It definitely allows you to become more at peace with yourself, as it’s done for me. I find that afterwards my concentration is more focused and I’m a lot more calmer. But the most amazing thing is that it all came from these slow movements, and not the hard thumping aerobic exercises I’m so used to. I’ve derived a tremendous respect for this new art, and hope to continue by taking another course.

Benefits

Many benefits were reported as students were taking the course. Students found that in addition to being less stressed, they seemed to like themselves better and that their everyday activities or hobbies have taken a new light or have become easier to perform. Doors opened too as some students discovered that they were on a “spiritual path.”

Less Stressed

A large number of students were surprised to find they were responding to challenges at home, school and work in different ways. For example, one student reported, “I am a little less angry at everything that goes wrong and that things seem to be ‘just there’ and not ‘just there to bother me.'” Another student added,

*I got home from class I felt more relaxed. Opening the front door at 10:30 p.m. and finding my children still up, any other night, would have sent me into a screaming fit. Instead, I remained calm and just helped them along to bed. By doing this they got to bed quicker and calmer than if I had come in screaming. I noticed too that I’m not as stressed about things as I normally would be. My 10 minute (T’ai Chi Chih) presentation is due in two days and I still have to put everything together. Normally I would be up until all hours getting it done tonight…I guess I realize that I have all the information I need. I know it will get done and run smoothly.*

Two other students responded by saying,

If you told me on May 15th how much I was going to learn or how much I was going to enjoy this class; I would not have believed you. However, I did. People at work ask me “What’s up…why are you smiling so much?” My wife and children think that I am more relaxed. I really don’t see the change myself but I have wondered, “Could it be the T’AI CHI CHIH classes?”

I think about the T’ai Chi Chih movements often especially during stressful moments. I work as a Senior Management Assistant…and during times of…entry deadlines, I wouldn’t actually do the movements but I would close my eyes and envision myself going through the motions. Its works! It helps me to relax, slow down, and focus on what is going on around me.

Enhanced Self Esteem

Some students said that they found themselves more outgoing, they gained a greater awareness of themselves and that they liked themselves better. The following journal entries represent some of this awareness. “My friends think I’m acting kind of strange because of my attitude. I think I am maturer now and still learning more about life.” Another student said, “I have become aware of things around me. I have somehow become a little more spiritual and in tune with nature and what is in this world. I really love my new self.” Additional responses from three students include:

I feel that thru this class I have become a much better person. I have found myself already having more patience dealing with my day-to-day activities. Also, I don’t think I’m as stressed as I normally am. I’m beginning to like myself more. My children make it all seem real to me by saying, “Mom, you’re so much more fun to be around.” I’m truly going to miss this class.

I find myself usually lacking a sense of myself. I start to play a role that’s become increasingly troublesome to me. But today something was different. I didn’t feel that I had the need to pretend. I was completely at ease with who I am and how I feel. I had a true sense of myself. I feel wonderful and have come to realize what having a sense of balance really means. And it’s GREAT. I’ve gotten something from this class that I never expected to get.

I feel like that there is some new kind of awareness in myself. I can understand myself better. I can interpret my behavior better. I also think that I have improved harmony between body and soul.

Everyday Activities Became Easier or Improved Performance

Everyday activities and hobbies such as running, using the treadmill, dancing, music, computer and acting unexpectantly became easier and the results were much improved. For example, a runner commented,

I have noticed a difference in my running…I am not sure if it is a coincidence, but ever since I have been practicing [the] T’ai Chi Chih [movements] in the morning, I have had much better runs. I did notice that instead of focusing on my breath, I have been focusing on my alignment and my lower abdomen. I have more graceful strides and breathing is no longer an issue. I am now going to try T’ai Chi Chih [practice] right before my runs and see if it makes a difference. I am very excited to see where this new practice take me!!!!!

One student utilized the principles of the TCC discipline while painting a ceiling with a roller and found that the task was less stressful and less tiring.

I found myself shifting weight from the back leg to my fore leg. As I gained this consciousness I began to concentrate on this movement while combining free flowing arm movements. Conceptually, I believe that I developed a new movement which I will call “Painting the Sky.”

Another student attributed the avoidance of a car accident to his T’ai Chi Chih practice. The awareness he describes appears to reflect pranja at work.

It [TCC practice] also did improve my awareness around me because I almost got into an accident but I stopped before I step[ped] on the gas pedal. Its like a sense I picked up, I didn’t know the car was coming but for some reason I sensed it coming. Well I hope T’ai Chi [Chih practice] can help others like it did for me.

Spiritual Path

Students talked about searches for simpler, more meaningful lives. They also explored changes that they needed to make in their lives. The following two students identify “paths” and the forces that brought them to this particular class.

I saw a whole new path opened in front of me for self achievement and self actualization. I was not the same person anymore, I had a better understanding of this life and myself. I had this smile on my face which was representing the peacefulness in my soul…I am thankful to that unknown energy to which most of us call God that my swimming class was cancelled and I took T’AI CHI CHIH [class] as an alternate.

Tonight’s presentations were interesting. I listened and sat there thinking how was my presentation going to be? Then I realized as my classmates talked about relaxing and taking time, that I was here because of TAO. I had to be part of the path, the way. This was my path. I was here because the forces of TAO had brought me here.

Characteristics of Movements

While practicing, some movements stood out as “favorites” or offered special qualities or insights for students. There appears to be no “bias” toward the “easier” movements as descriptions of Pulling Taffy and its variations appeared too. One student described her experience of Daughter on the Mountaintop.

The movement I like best…is Daughter on the Mountaintop…I feel like when both hands are about to come together but don’t that’s like cutting away everything that’s a bother and lifting myself up.

Other students spoke about their experiences of Rocking Motion, Pulling Taffy and Six Healing Sounds, respectively.

As we did our first rocking motion my mind was wondering a lot, criticizing every move I made…am I doing this right? And then it happended I felt it…I couldn’t describe the feeling it was very strong holding, almost hugging me in a circle. I believed I felt levitated but knew that was not possible and in analyzing that feeling I realize it must be what Justin Stone describes as floating through very thick air.

While learning the Taffy movements, I could finally concentrate and focus on one thing. I think its because I could now let my feet balance while doing the movements and that my hands actually moved without me making them. I am so impressed that my body can work in ways that I didn’t know it could.

We ended the evening by learning another movement called Six Healing Sounds together with a review of Joyous Breath. I found this very interesting because it seemed to me that we were bringing our insides out. By this, I mean our breath, our spirit. Our breath imitated nature the wind…

Additionally, some observations about the movements, both individually and in a group were given such as “I looked down at my hands and the fingers seemed as though they were longer.” Descriptions of three more observations follow.

We were videotaped…it was amazing how slow we were moving. This is one of the things in the beginning of the class that frustrated me was the movements were so slow. Now as we watched I realized how much we have grown individually and as a group together.

Today we practiced all of the movements that we have learned and we practiced them outdoors*…It was quite a difference being outdoors. We were one with nature…the birds, the wind, the sun. In the previous classes, we could hear the squeaking of our shoes on the floor…today we were part of nature.*

After the presentations we formed a circle (instead of the usual rows), a candle was lit in the center of the circle and the lights were shut off. The blinds only let a small amount of moonlight into the room and we practiced all of the T’AI CHI CHIH movements for the final time. It was impressive. I could feel an energy in the class. We were that energy.

Characteristics of the Chi

Specific references to “chi” were described by many. “I feel slightly the heavy air around me and lots of needles in the tips of my fingers, my fingers get very cold and I feel a sensation of almost electric shocks…” and “I never felt ‘my own’ energy like that before…It is a feeling of calmness, yet awareness at the same time.”

Three additional students elaborated on their experiences of chi energy.

I find it is easier when I don’t concentrate on the movements. If I just let them flow I feel I perform the motions better…I feel the chi better. I’m starting to really understand what you mean when you tell us you don’t want us working harder…

This was a breakthrough week for me. I came out of class with a renewed sense of “Chi.” I feel so rejuvenated and so alive. It’s too bad it’s not earlier [in the day] because I don’t want to go home.”

I noticed my movements flowed much smoother. They just sort of flowed from somewhere within. My skepticism seemed to be turning into a curiosity. I started to think that perhaps with some continual commitment I’d be able to feel like this all the time???

Teh

The instructor’s inner sincerity or “Teh” was reflected in some student comments.

It seems to me that our professor is not just doing a job, she is sharing and teaching a passion of hers. When the class first started…it was hard to understand why she was so happy to teach this class. But as the time went on it was easy to see that she really loves [her] T’ai Chi Chih [practice] and that she wanted to share the pleasures and benefits of [the] T’ai Chi Chih [discipline]. I really never had a class where the teacher actually loved the subject so much that it effected the whole class. T’ai Chi Chih [class] has actually become one of my favorite classes this semester and each week this class seems to get more enjoyable.

In a room with very poor acoustics, one student said,

I can’t mention enough that I really like the tone of the instructor’s voice. She has a calm and relaxed spirit around her all the time; she doesn’t have to raise her voice above a certain level to be heard…In a lot of my other classes, the instructor has to shout in order to get their point across.

Impressions About Justin Stone

Some students formulated their own impressions about Justin as a result of watching and listening to the PBS videotape where Justin was being interviewed by Carmen Brocklehurst.

I was impressed to see the interview with Justin Stone, in two ways; the first being he looked so young and preserved for his age, and the fact that he himself was being interviewed in a very modest form without all the glitz and glamour. It amazes me that thirty years ago this gentleman created something so wholesome and health such as [the] T’ai Chi Chih [discipline], and to this day, no one has exploited it to my knowledge.

I was amazed to see he was an older man. I thought for sure the creator would be this buff muscular man.

Lasting Impressions

In closing their journals, all but one student reported positive growth. Here are some of the concluding comments given. “Thank you for introducing me to the beauty of T’ai Chi Chih [practice]. It took me on ways I never expected to exist.” “I am saddened to see the class end because it was my sanctuary.” Other students concluded,

I am extremely happy that I had the opportunity to experience T’ai Chi Chih [practice] and can see the benefits it can have on an individual if it is taken seriously and practiced daily. Not only physically but also emotionally your mind and body can achieve the Yin Yang of life.

I became curious that how just combinations of few movements can have such phenomenal effects on human body and mind… [The] T’AI CHI CHIH [discipline] is not a very complicated philosophy as it may seem. It’s very simple and attainable.

[The] T’ai Chi Chih [discipline] is actually what it’s said to be JOY THROUGH MOVEMENT*. I have gained so much out of this and I am so glad that I took this class for I am less stressed, can now wake up in the morning and be ready to face my hectic life as a full time worker and a student.* THANK YOU JUSTIN STONE …THANK YOU DR. OUSSATY.

It’s a shame that this class is not taught in all universities. I know I am thinking big here but I believe that if this class could be a core course in college this would help students with coping with the stresses that college life can give you…It has changed my life.