My Own Spiritual Odyssey

I am a lover of books, though I am not your average reader. Rather than novels I am often drawn to books about theology and spirituality. I’ve been that way since I was a child, with this unexplainable, inner need to unwrap that which was felt deep inside me. It has been a journey, or as Justin Stone writes, a “spiritual odyssey.” I set about the task of discovering this feeling of Life Force by reading scriptures, both Jewish and Christian, when I was only twelve. Ecumenical principles were never in question when I was a youngster as my family had friends of many faiths whose truths I recognized to be the same as our own. This love of spirituality led me to a degree in theology and a career in ministry and education. I had this wonderfully strong foundation that served me well … for a while.

Each one of us has a time in our life that becomes a Dark Night of the Soul, a time for awakening (or for some, a time of falling deeper asleep). My dark night arrived in my early forties amidst a divorce, an illness and a sense of meaninglessness in my own career. I tried talking to old friends and family, none of whom understood my emptiness, so I returned to books. This time, I sought out books from Zen, Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Pagan and Egyptian spiritual teachers. I didn’t discover anything new, but I did find a renewed quest for the journey I started as a child. This renewed awareness of knowing, or Source, was steeped in a Unity that often produced an unexplainable feeling and brought me to tears.

After a year of immersing myself in books, I found myself needing to get out of my mind and into my body. I needed physical activity, something I was never good at. I decided to try T’ai Chi. I bought a video and tried and tried to learn, but I am not one that has ever been comfortable in my own body, and I failed miserably. I needed a real, live instructor. Reluctantly, I signed up for a spring community education class called T’ai Chi Chih.

My instructor was Ron Barker. Ron was patient and wise. I sensed that he was a deeply spiritual being, but he dodged every spiritual question I had and insisted I practice moving and let TCC teach me itself. I was very disappointed to learn that the class was not going to continue into the summer, but I did continue to fumble through the practice every day on my porch. I wanted to feel this thing called Chi and I was determined to be comfortable in my body.

In the fall, I returned to Ron’s class and he handed me a book by Justin Stone, Spiritual Odyssey. Of course, I took it home and read it almost overnight. Immediately, I felt the unexplainable but familiar tingling in my head (right around my temple) and in my chest (right around my heart) that I always got from reading those books that have spoken to me for years. It was then that I discovered that I came to know Chi a bit differently than others who first started practicing TCC. I know now that in order to be well grounded, I have to move this Chi into the soles of my feet. I have to allow it to flow through me. This is always a challenge for me, but as Michelangelo said, “I am still learning.”

My TCC practice has helped me to discover that the emptiness I encountered was because I didn’t know how to integrate my mind and my spirit with my body. I still don’t know how, but TCC does. When I activate, circulate, and balance the Chi something miraculous occurs. As Justin says in Spiritual Odyssey: “Prana (or Chi) is what pulls together the seeming-spiritual and the physical.”

Justin teaches us in Spiritual Odyssey that the task of a TCC teacher is to teach people how to do TCC. Period. It is not to ally TCC with any spiritual or religious movement. I am filled with such gratitude to my teacher, Ron, for knowing that I needed to learn to be in my body. It is an integral part of understanding oneself. He introduced Justin’s words to me at the perfect time, and Justin’s words taught me how to let T’ai Chi Chih do T’ai Chi Chih.

As a new teacher, I am mindful of the fact that we all bring a different set of strengths and a different set of experiences to our own spiritual odyssey. Trust your inner journey. It is perfect for you.