Personal growth continues for teacher

What
we need
is to not
need, and all things
will be just
as they
are!

I wrote this pyramid poem two years ago, and now I am starting to understand it’s meaning. For the first time in my life, I recently went into a situation with absolutely no expectations of the outcome. During the beginning of the T’ai Chi Chih Workshop/Retreat hosted by Deanne Hodgson in Sedona, AZ on April 18-21 [2002], I was asked what I needed from this weekend. I had nothing to say except that I felt I needed nothing, wanted nothing, and expected nothing while I was there. I also noted that I was completely open to receive whatever the weekend was to bring with an open heart.

WOW! Being so open to the universe to provide for me without expecting an actual result or getting in the way. This was new to me and in the past I might have been scared to give up so much control, however this time I was at peace and felt very grounded. In fact during special ceremony on Saturday, I was asked what peace meant to me. I knew my answer without a hesitation; it meant “having no expectations and no fear.”

How on earth did I arrive at this wonderful place in my life? I’m not exactly sure, however I feel that two things have contributed to being in this moment. First, my regular TCC practice has been very powerful this past year. I can tell this because my instincts, intuition, and energy have been at an all time high. This weekend workshop marked the five-year anniversary of me getting my teacher accreditation (April 19, 1997) and it marks a very incredible journey on my spiritual path.

Second, a recent personal experience with one of my students forced me to examine the level of high expectations I place on my life, TCC students, family, and friends. At that very moment, as I was forced to look inside, I decided it was time to let go of that, along with my need to control people, situations, and events. I knew at that moment that my life would most likely never be the same again.

That weekend in Sedona was one of the best times I have ever had. Not because of the beautiful Arizona desert or wonderful instruction of Ed Altman, but because I was ready to begin a new journey … probably the most important one so far. I am grateful to the TCC discipline for bringing me to this place. As I told people during the workshop, TCC practice has allowed me to travel all over the country while meeting the most wonderful people on earth. I know of nothing else that can bring me such powerful life changing energy and the ability to lead such a joyous life at the same time. As I finish this article, I sit with a huge smile on my face and a gentle tear falling down my cheek. As I recall five years ago, I almost skipped out on my teachers training the very last minute. I’m glad I stuck with it and made it this far. More than ever, I look forward to my 10-year anniversary in 2007.