TCC Is Like A Box Of Chocolates

I used to be nice, really nice, although I did get really angry or sad every now and then. I remember saying that if you measured my feelings on a scale of 1-10, I was almost always a 4-6 (with few highs or lows). I was never aware of being jealous.

T’ai Chi Chih retreats used to bring on tears, although I wasn’t a big crier. At TCC events, I always hear people talk about how calm and mellow they are now. I can’t say that. I feel all feelings a lot more now. And I do feel jealous sometimes, but it doesn’t last long.

I’m still getting used to the roller coaster ride of my emotions. The funny thing is that I can be firing mad or sad one minute and a little while later, I’m quite happy and enjoying myself. Although I didn’t used to get mad or sad often, I hung onto it like a dog with a bone when I did. (In fairness, it felt like it hung on to me.) I would get sad, really sad, over something that was actually silly. I can now feel happy and excited, whereas I used to be reserved and shy. Sometimes I see myself with others and I think, “Who is this person having fun?”

I believe that TCC is making conscious what was unconscious; in the process a lot is being healed. I think tears were healing wounds I didn’t always know I had. At age 63, I am finding my voice. I feel more alive and blessed to have TCC in my life.