Understanding oneself

I find an indication of maturity occurs when an individual admits to him or herself the real reason for the action or judgment he or she has made. This means understanding the true motivation. First, there is usually the false view of what has been done, and then the need to invent reasons in order to save face with oneself. Pretty soon the subject begins to believe what has been invented and it becomes solidified in the subject’s mind. The “alaya vijnana” (the Buddhist “receptacle of consciousness”) is stuffed with such junk, along with the habit energies one has developed over a lifetime.

The vashanas (habit energies) go back to the indoctrination given to us from childhood, and we assume that cloak even though the parents and teachers we knew may not have been well-balanced.

Racial prejudice and strange sexual judgments color our views and, unless we can discard them (almost impossible for some), they put us in a twisted bondage for the rest of our lives.

I once knew a professional tennis player who usually told the unvarnished truth, no matter how bad a light it cast on him. People thought he was a wit and just being funny when he said things like, “I’m going to steal that ashtray,” or, during the second world war, “What you read in the papers is all propaganda.” He saw no reason to lie or manufacture half truths, so he became known as a wit. Sometimes, of course, he caused bad reactions. But he told the truth.

There are incidents where a father or a teacher has schooled a child to “always tell the truth”; then, when the telephone rings, say to the child, “Answer it and say I’m not here.”

An interesting question, which only a psychologist or psychoanalyst can answer, arises when we ask: Does a person lose stature with him or herself when that person deliberately lies? Or can the falsehood be rationalized so that it does not hurt the image one has of him or herself? Each one of us has an image of him or herself, and in some cases that image is not very flattering.

There are instances when one tells “a little white lie” in order to save another’s feelings. If a woman tells another woman, “That dress is very flattering on you,” knowing full well that it isn’t, can we fault her for not telling the truth? “Be true to yourself” is a saying we have all heard, but it’s often hard to apply. We certainly do not want to hurt others, so we must judge what is best to say at all times. Nevertheless, the above poses some interesting questions which we might do well to consider.