How Could I Have Known

It’s the end of an incredible day at the end of an incredible week of teacher training. I’m exhausted, but I can’t rest yet. Pictures, thoughts, emotions keep swirling around in me, and I feel compelled to try to capture them and commit them to print. Will they lose something in the translation? Probably, but I need to try nonetheless.

I see motion so soft and fluid it’s almost mesmerizing, and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to do that. I feel pain in my leg, and amazement at how it disappears when I make a slight adjustment to how I move. I feel tension in my body, and relief when I see that I am able to let it go. I see a room full of earnest, struggling candidates, and I watch as it all comes together to provide a sense of unity. The closing ceremony keeps playing over and over in my mind, like one of those closed-loop filmstrips. It was one of the most beautiful and moving ceremonies I have ever had the privilege to participate in. [See page 32 for a full description of the sort of ceremony that Sr. Antonia Cooper led after graduation at this training.]

So what did I learn during teacher accreditation this past week? I learned about T’ai Chi Chih, and I learned about myself! One of the first things I wrestled with was my ego — it was in the way! I had thought I knew T’ai Chi Chih, and it was painful to discover that I didn’t know as much as I had thought, that I had allowed problems I had corrected to creep back into my practice. I had to let go of my ego, and drop it by the wayside, so I could move forward again and take advantage of the wonderful opportunity in front of me.

I learned that Chi follows thought. As I had prepared my presentation over a period of weeks prior to the teacher accreditation, I had made sure it had all the points I would be expected to cover. The words came from things I had read, things I had heard, things that had happened to me and things I had felt, all of which had become part of my belief system. I thought a great deal about the many benefits I had received from T’ai Chi Chih, and I focused on putting all the pieces together in a logical fashion so it made sense and I could remember it. What I didn’t realize was that I had written my presentation and practiced it from an objective, intellectual viewpoint. When I delivered it, however, many people told me they were really moved by what I said and how I said it, and I thanked them for their kind words. It was a great boost to my self-confidence. But it also opened the door for that old ego to try to slip in again, so I had to be on the lookout to make sure it didn’t cause more trouble. More importantly, now that I’ve had time to reflect on my presentation, I believe that it was not I who moved the audience, it was the Chi, because it moved me too.

Some of the most important tools that I took with me from the training are techniques for grounding the Chi and relaxing the body. I learned how to allow the tension to leave my body (and there was plenty to allow) and to bring my attention to the soles of my feet so the Chi would get stored and not rise too high. The grounding techniques became more and more important with each practice session as the flow of Chi increased, and I realized that I would need to be able to ground not only myself, but my students as well. I especially found it very helpful to sit and focus on the soles of the feet, on the bubbling springs, for a few minutes. Perhaps even writing these thoughts at this time is helping to ground me.

As I headed out this morning, I was both elated and subdued, if that’s possible. I was elated that I could now teach T’ai Chi Chih, but I was subdued by a feeling of awe for what I was about to become a part of. I heard the announcer on my car radio say that, as a result of the New Jersey Lottery, there were two more rich people in New Jersey today, and I heard myself say “Not as rich as I am”!

I once heard someone say “The Universe loves a grateful person — the more you say thanks, the more it gives you to be thankful for”, and I’ve seen it work in my life. So I’m sending out a big thanks for T’ai Chi Chih. Thank you Justin for being the channel that brought T’ai Chi Chih into our world. Thank you Ed for your hard work and your dedication to the integrity of T’ai Chi Chih. Thank you Dan and Sister Antonia for getting us ready and making it all come together. Thank you Noel and all you auditing teachers for offering the wisdom of your experiences and working tirelessly to “fix” our moves until we finally “got it”. And last, but certainly not least, my thanks to the rest of you newly accredited teachers for your support, for giving me so many great ideas, and for sharing your stories. Best of luck as you travel on your journeys, and may our paths cross again.