A Candidates View of Teacher Training

As the wheels of the Delta 727 set down on the runway of the Albuquerque airport, I checked to see if my backpack containing all the T’ai Chi Chih books was still under the seat. Storms of ideas ran through my head similar to the Albuquerque winds so typical this time of the year. My mind filtered through thoughts from–what in the world am I doing here, to–do I have enough experience with the movement form, and will I remember the movement sequence under the eyes of senseis Justin Stone and Steve Ridley! Only time would give me any of these answers.

My first exposure to Justin Stone, the originator of T’ai Chi Chih, was on Tuesday evening, April 9, at the Hilton Hotel where the following day the teachers’ accreditation workshop would be held. That evening my friend from St. Paul, also a candidate for teacher training, our husbands and I went to Justin Stone’s lecture on Zen and T’ai Chi Chih. It was an interesting lecture which left me with the knowledge that I had inhaled only the fragrance of Zen and it could take a lifetime or more to realize the unfolding of its meaning. However, I did come away with the statement that humankind is like an uncarved, beautiful piece of the universe and as we allow life to flow in and through us we realize and explore the vastness of the CHI that connects all of us and is us. That made sense to me.

The next five days proved to be an unfolding and valuable experience. As I wrote and thought about this experience later, my conclusion was I was reliving many of the old personality conflicts, difficult situations, as well as the present blocks in my life. This felt like a crash course in “This Is Your Life”. Many of my classmates commented they felt similar experiences were happening to them.

I found one of the hardest things to do was get up and give a fifteen minute presentation on T’ai Chi Chih. It was not like this was the first time I had ever done this. Being in graduate school, this was one hurdle I had to overcome. Since then I have come to a conclusion that perhaps a certain amount of nervousness, not terror however, is a good thing.

On the third day with the help of some self-hypnosis, taught to me by my caring psychologist husband, I managed to get through the presentation with only a few suggestions and kind, encouraging words from Justin who labeled my presentation as quite dramatic! We all managed to get through the twelve to fifteen minute ordeal and agreed that life might go on after all.

As I reflect on each day I see that the first day was like a child being born–opened to the world–being a bit fearful, but excited and ready for the learning experience.

The second day was adolescence with its challenges and painful learning. I wondered if I would ever do anything right again! I asked myself, did I really need this learning experience in the school of life. My feelings floated from insecurity to despair, from encouragement to relief, from sadness to defeat. Strong emotions felt at different periods of my life suddenly reappeared and I knew I had found the dark side of myself–the shadow side of me. From my practice of T’ai Chi Chih I had learned that if there is the yin there also is the yang to provide balance in life. Now my question was not would it happen but when would it happen.

By the third day, after the presentation, I saw a glimpse of adulthood and balance making an entrance. Maybe tomorrow things would begin to lighten up and I would start meeting my past experiences with courage and a glint of wisdom. Justin was right that the third day proved to be the turning point. Notably peoples’ spirits lifted and the Chi began to balance. I remember the words of Carmen Brocklehurst when I asked her if I would ever be able to do this right. She said, “It’s like giving birth to a child. You know what that’s like. The T’ai Chi Chih has been growing like a child within you, now it is time to give it life. Let it go, and let the birthing come. Let the Chi grow and unfold.” Special words of wisdom for me that week.

By the fourth day we knew that the certification time was coming to a close and things were flowing smoother. People had made wonderful connections in this class, but maybe that is the way of the Chi. People who come into the mainstream of the Chi get caught up in it, connect with wonderful experiences and people that change their lives forever.

Sunday, the workshop came to an end with the graduation ceremony. I found I was more excited with this diploma than my Bachelors degree. Perhaps because I realize with the B.A. I had learned about facts and subject, but with the T’ai Chi Chih I have learned about the real meaning behind these things–about the vastness of life and the Chi.

Thank you to Justin Stone, Steve Ridley, Pam Johnson, Carmen Brocklehurst, Karen Carrier (my teacher), Dori Hueners, my friend who introduced me to Joy With Movement, but most of all to my husband Paul, who is always my support in following the Chi.