Broken-hearted student regains emotional balance with T’ai Chi Chih practice

Five months ago my life fell apart. The person I thought was my soulmate had left me soulless. The problem with living for another person is that somewhere along the way you lose yourself. When this relationship ended there was nothing left of me to be found. I started the process of rebuilding my life by beginning some intensive therapy and taking a T’ai Chi Chih class.

This class was not what I expected. I was ready for some intense martial arts training and was surprised by the slow “flowy” movements. Believing, however, that the universe puts us where we need to be, I stayed in the class and was not disappointed. The easy meditative movements of the T’ai Chi Chih form have helped me immensely. I am beginning to find my center and an inner strength that I need to believe in myself.

It is not always easy. Finding the will to practice is often the most difficult task. It is easier to stay depressed and much easier to feel sorry for myself. But when I do practice, or when I am in class, I feel a strange calm come over me and I know that I have found something that is mine. I have found something that no one can take away from me, my sense of self.

My favorite moves are Pulling Taffy and Passing Clouds. As my hands flow around my body, I feel the energy, or Chi, swirl around me. This energy encircles me and I feel protected. My teacher says that the Chi is a healing energy and that it knows where to go. I can always feel my broken heart mending when I do these moves. I feel strong enough to face another day of being single, and strong enough to keep moving forward, even when it would be easier to stop.

Apart from the actual physical side of our class, I have also gotten a lot from our meditations and discussions. As my teacher explains how to take these movements and incorporate the philosophies behind them into my own life, they become more of a way of life and less like an exercise class. I am learning to bend like the willow tree and not to let the smallest difficulties overtake my life. I am learning to stay calm when my first reaction is to scream and to fall apart. I am learning to let go of the pain and the suffering of the past and to live in the current moment.

I cannot change the past. I know that everything happens for a reason and that having my partner break up with me was what I needed to experience. It was the only way I was ever going to find my independent self. This is an ongoing journey, and I am sure I will take the wrong path from time to time. But down every road is a lesson to be learned, and on this road, I learned that I am stronger than I know. I have learned that I have the power within me to heal myself, and I have come to understand that I am the only one who can make myself happy.

While I am currently unable to “let go” of this past relationship, I know that given time and my continued practice of this art, I will eventually feel strong enough. I will stay centered in myself and not let this world crush me. My job has become easier, and my relationships with my friends have become stronger. I may still doubt myself from time to time, but I do not doubt that I will eventually pull my life back together, with the help of the lessons I have learned in this class.