Course challenges 10 candidates

Course Host

Arriving at Mt. Manresa in the late afternoon of Easter Sunday, how powerfully I was reminded of Seijaku, or “serenity in the midst of activity”. I had just come off the crowded expressways from another workshop, and the skies had just cleared from three days of wind and driving rain. As peaceful as the contrast of our retreat setting was against the busy outside world, both Ed Altman and I requested to move our rooms after our first night. Facing the nearby Staten Island Expressway with its loud trucks frequently rumbling by into the small hours of the morning was not exactly serene.

It was clear from its start, that the week would not be without many challenges. Ed’s luggage never arrived at the baggage claim, and it was not delivered until the following morning. I had received the news earlier that my aunt had passed away, and I would need to absent myself on Wednesday morning to attend her funeral. One of our very gracious retreat hosts, Sister Maureen Skelly (accredited TCC teacher), would only be able to join us once during the course, so that she could be near her sister who was gravely ill. We were all deeply disappointed to learn that Sr. Antonia Cooper would not be able to join us due to illness. And only a few local teachers had committed to auditing the course that week.

Not an encouraging way to start a week!

And as we were meeting these challenges, the 10 teacher candidates were meeting theirs. How well I could remember arriving at my own accreditation course three years ago, thinking how well I moved, and how quickly I found out differently. Ed began the week by letting this intent group know that they could expect the movements to fall apart before they would come together.

And so it was.

The weather had quieted, but inside each of the candidates, it was evident that storms were churning. Doubts and confusion rose amongst encouragement and refreshing humor. It’s got to be “an inside job!”, a candidate gleefully exclaimed. Everyone giggled at this and other similar comments, allowing the joy to rise in midst of the tension and perplexity.

But everyone heard well, as Ed quoted Justin Stone saying, “The interior landscape is far more vast than anything in the external world”. Our selfless and very dedicated teacher for the week further explained, “You can fight it from the outside, or let it go from the inside”.

Pay attention to a problem without trying to fix it! Just being aware of it will often be enough. Trying is only likely to bring about side effects. Just words? Wise advice that meant going within for us all.

Move from the center. Shift the weight. Soften the knees. “The breeze blows and the clouds move”. Was everyone trying too hard? As the week progressed and everyone got to know each other more and more, trust and confidence mingled with fear and doubt. Each candidate experienced highs and lows. One candidate confessed coming near to packing up and leaving during the night. But in the end, no one gave up.

Moments of laughter. Moments of tears. Moments of quiet introspection. Moments of wondering, “What now?” From Ed’s dedication and sincere words, to the encouragement and support of the auditing teachers who gave of themselves so willingly, to the way the candidates were earnestly helping one another, it was a truly inspiring week to witness and host.

It was full of joy and love. It was full of hard work. It was full of letting go. It was not for the weak of heart or shallow of spirit. It was for those who wanted to know Truth. As for this teacher, I know that I at least had a glimpse. And I expect that each of the candidates did too.

These glimpses of truth come only with sincere and persistent practice, and for a teacher, a firm commitment and willingness to take every opportunity for renewal and deepening of understanding and experience.

I felt truly honored and privileged to be hosting that week. I was so filled with gratitude to Justin (whom each candidate had the opportunity to “meet” in viewing the Folsom Prison videotape), to Ed, to everyone who came, and to T’ai Chi Chih for what it has allowed me to learn and discover. Or would it be more accurate to say that it finds me, if I don’t get in the way?