Pretending No More

Prior to attending teacher accreditation last fall I used to believe that, when doing T’ai Chi Chih, I was pretending to know what I was doing. Some might even say I was conducting a careless practice where my intention was more focused on moving perfectly rather than allowing the Chi to flow on its own. Through my many teachers over the years at intensives and private instruction (you all know who you are and I thank you from the bottom of my heart), I’ve since come to appreciate Justin’s words: “It’s not called TCC perfect, but TCC practice.”

Even with that deeper understanding, I struggled with whether or not attend this year’s teacher conference because there wasn’t much opportunity for me to instruct this year. The guidance of a close friend and fellow instructor helped me to see that it’s not how many students we have but the fact we’re continuing our commitment to the TCC community at large.

I’ve often wondered whether or not I was worthy of certain things – perhaps that’s the reason why I continue to put other duties in front of ones more important to my well-being. You know, the never-ending tasks like dishes, laundry, work assignments, email. Instead of spending quality time rejuvenating the soul. Why is it that we so willingly give into our vashanas and continually reunite with those habitual pathways that impede our growth and/or temporary peace? The answer is probably unique to each of us, but my goal is to strive toward acceptance and simply allow a moment without judgment or fear.

I am indeed looking forward to spending time with fellow TCC enthusiasts in the serene landscape of Nebraska. Whenever more than two of us congregate, magical happenings occur and I, for one, don’t want to miss a thing. Look me up. I’ll be somewhere close to the front asking lots of questions in order to learn and grow in the awe-inspiring Chi.