Sr. Antonia carries heart into the heart of Folsom

The coming of Sr. Antonia, the spiritual guide for Tai Chi Chih, was exciting. I had not met her before. She was in California to lead two Tai Chi Chih retreats in Santa Barbara, as well as attending an interfaith contemplative action weekend. Together we planned for her to take the train to Sacramento and visit the prison programs that she has heard of over the past 7 years.

I was blessed to have a two and a half days with her. Both of us are Spiritual Directors we enjoyed talking about the spiritual aspects of the movements, personal transformation and the opportunities life is presenting us as dedicated spiritual teachers. Outside of Tara Stiles and Sue Kenney, I seldom get to share spiritually with practitioners of Tai Chi Chih about the intimacies of our journey with this form.

New Folsom

Unfortunately the Whites and Hispanics were still on lock-down, so there were just five men present. Sr. Antonia’s peaceful and warm demeanor put them at ease quickly, although they had not expected the habit and had to adjust their assumptions about nuns.

Sr. Antonia started our time together in a circle with a reading from Justin Stone. She shared her experience attempting to teach at a juvenile facility and the guard’s fears, preventing any program from starting. She shared her hopes for a new effort at the County Jail she will get underway in March when she returns home. They she took us through the moves, teaching about moving slowly and with mindfulness. By the time she got to Bass Drum, she was warmed up and her natural talents as a teacher and sense of ease with the moves kicked in. The men were just beginners at the Taffies, so she took her time and coached them. It is so good for them to learn from more than one teacher.

She stopped after the Taffies so that we would have time to sit and settle the chi. Good thing. We thought we had 15 minutes till the end of class and plenty of time to talk about the materials she had brought in for them and about the benefits of regular practice, but the guards came after just a couple minutes into our meditation and rousted us for a mandatory yard recall. We all hustled on out of there.

Working our way back to the front gate with Greg (Jesuit volunteer), we attempted to visit the Associate Warden, but she was in a meeting. We rested on the picnic benches near a hospitality house playground and ate a little lunch. Chaplain West had left me a voice mail, that all was ready for us at Old Folsom, which was a relief. I had been resisting Sr. Antonia’s wisdom to just … Trust. She had told me she was perfectly willing to sit in the car and pray if the paperwork wasn’t ready, that her intention had been to come, and she had come. Still, there was no way I wanted the men to miss out on her visit if I could help it. Not that worrying helps.

Old Folsom

Wild turkeys and deer were all around under the acres of rolling hills and large oak trees that surround the prison. Entering feels like driving up to a wealthy estate until you round the corner and see the walls, guard towers and electric fence.

The journey in is a winding one, first through some gardens, then by the visiting area, then in through control gates and check point. Then you must go by the infirmary and a five-story bank of tiny cells with two bunks and a toilet plus maybe 30 inches of space between the bunks and the walls (enough to practice). Then it’s down a flight of stairs and past the cafeteria, then the showers and the old original prison built in ——. Through another passageway, and then we can get out onto the yard, where hundreds of men are exercising, running and walking around a track, in line to use the pull-up bars, playing handball and basketball, milling around and enjoying each others’ company. Today we had to cross right through the thick of things because a gate was locked to get to the yard shack where I pick up an alarm (which I wear in a case on my belt. It is like a garage door opener and would trigger a siren at the top of the chapel if hit.). The guards in the towers watched over our journey. Both the men and the guards seemed intrigued by, and welcoming of, Sr. Antonia. Something about her presence brought many more smiles than I am used to.

Some of the regulars were waiting at the gate and as I took care of logistical things they enjoyed some private conversation with Sr. Antonia. Once again she started in a circle with a reading from Spiritual Odyssey. Our group was about 20 when we started and grew to 30 before the end of class. She then led us in a practice of all 20 movements, sharing about the movements as she went, helping them to open at the waist, relax their wrists, and move more slowly. Posters had announced her visit and at least half of our class was first-timers. They did well and the long-timers impressed her with the quality of their movements.

We sat together to settle the chi and then had some sharing. One of the men wanted to know how to release the tension. Sr. Antonia talked about the strength it takes to let go of tension and to flow with the chi. One of our regulars shared and demonstrated his approach of releasing tension on the exhale and bringing in fresh chi on the inhale. Sr. Antonia reminded us that it takes practice, and that we could “ask the tension to leave.” She shared that “the longest journey is the journey inward.” She talked about herself and her enjoyment of the gifts of the inner stillness that comes with practice. “It gives me relaxation and focus; my emotions get balanced.”

Another regular student shared his finding that, “by cultivation of inner strength and calm, the outside forces don’t pull so much on you. You can look through them and speak calmly, confronting the issue by being still. I don’t take it personally when others blow off steam. I remain still, inside my emotions.”

Still another regular student shared, “It is easier to be in the moment. Get in the moment with this move, not the next move, not the next side, not the next weight shift. Stay with the exact thing you are doing. Not before, not after.” To which Sr. Antonia continued on, “Staying really present is the essence of allowing the chi to move us. If we can feel every inch of the movement — feel it all — that’s what develops inner strength, inner stillness. All we have is right now.”

Several men had personal questions to ask her while I took care of the closing details. Remembering my music, turning in the sign-in list, figuring out our schedule for the next two weeks with Chaplain West. And then we walked slowly out of the chapel and through the yard escorted by PJ who helped Diego (Jim Hecker) get us started years ago. We shared about him and Sr. Antonia’s visit with him at the teachers conference in St. Louis last summer.

Aftermath

We felt the need to sit and ground some more, digesting the journey before we got in the car. We sat on a bench inside the prison rose garden near the last gate and talked. I learned about her Franciscan Order’s original call to serve incarcerated women and a commitment never to put yourself above those you serve. Their philosophy is that liberation comes from the interior; when we receive the good news intuitively, that is what liberates. Spiritual practice is proven to liberate the incarcerated. Sermons don’t change people, spiritual practices do. Through spiritual practice we can reconcile ourselves to ourselves, ourselves to each other, and ourselves to God.

Our talking and sharing centered us for the commute drive home and we arrived just after our guests, five teachers from the Bay Area. We quickly got a soup and salad dinner on the table and talked about our practices, our teaching, our students, our love of the chi and our hopes for the future of Tai Chi Chih. It was so great to talk about the chi with other dedicated practitioners.

Trusting and holding gently were phrases we returned to over and over during her visit. The next morning taking her to the train station, I had to let go of even holding her gently, and trust that a time would come to share with her again.