The Field Beyond

Dew covers the grass and the air is crisp, despite the looming 95-degree heat. My movements start awkwardly with the creaks of an aging body waking from an imperfect night. It feels like it takes a lot of “doing” and the sore spots distance me from the joy. And then… it starts to ease as I settle in. 

I heard something profound last week, a longer conversation that I can only paraphrase: “The letting go is in the awareness.” Or was it the other way around? I felt a new understanding of “the Effort of No Effort.” Letting go of mental control doesn’t mean passivity — instead, my attention is directed into awareness of the feeling. And that awareness deepens the feeling. They are one and the same. I can only begin to tell you the shift that this opened up.

There is a subtle distinction in TCC between doing and feeling. It’s a mistake to consider these opposites, or to ignore the distinction altogether. Doing is a matter of direction and control. Feeling is an active conversation between my body and my practice. These two must work in concert — the doing softens and perhaps becomes a little nudge to remind me to abandon my habit energies. The feeling part becomes active, vibrant, and engaged, and nothing like what I thought. (See what I did there?)

I sense a shift from “learning TCC” through temporary “knowing TCC” into “learning from TCC.” As I become a more experienced teacher, I risk getting stuck in that temporary phase and closing myself off from discovering more. Perhaps a revered teacher taught me that a certain movement is a certain way (or rather, I retained my conceptualization of what she said) so that is how it must be. But then practice calls me deeper into the principles that are communicating with me. The movement subtly feels different than the day before. The practice is showing me something just for that moment. 

Explore this by really looking at yourself in the mirror to find an even, balanced, upright posture. (I have to adjust a head tilt, a left shoulder that pops up, and get the weight even on my feet). And then sink into the feeling. I am supposed to do daily physical therapy exercises. At first, I was afraid of what I would see. Finally, I followed the instructions while looking in the mirror, and I was amazed that I could hold my own gaze with love, compassion, and nonjudgement. Suddenly I could feel my body, the ground, and the air around me in a way that was not disconnected. 

What is the quotation? “Beyond right and wrong is a field, I’ll meet you there.” Let your practice communicate with you through feeling awareness, and a whole new world of understanding may begin to open up.