The Pull-Push Of A Prison Calling

Often I am asked, “Why do you go inside? Why is this so important to you?” I have answered in many ways that only scratch the surface over these last 10 years. A student of considerable integrity asked recently, and the answer that stumbled out felt closer than I have ever come to putting it into words – this pull and push that drives and sustains me as I offer four to seven classes on two or three days per week.

Men’s souls pulledme in. Jim Hecker (the original inmate teacher) visualized a class while practicing for a year before it manifested. It took only a simple invitation before “yes” spilled out of my mouth and before my mind had a chance to ask any questions.

When there is a deep sincere hunger, the Holy responds with food. I have been pushedby spiritual forces that have visited me in my dreams and humbled me with the honor of carrying healing love inside. Other activities have played supporting roles to enable this call; nothing seems to get in the way.

Once inside the chapel sanctuaries, the men’s sincerity pulls the teachings out. The moves, words, and stillness always are fresh and vital. The patterns of movement and stillness, the love of the universepushes through. I feel so very much in the middle of these two powerful currents of Chi: all that seeks to bring harmony inside a place defined by its lack of harmony; and all the hunger for harmony from those who seek refuge from the label of prisoner. Through grace I have a roll in the expressions of this powerful flow of Chi. “May I stay grounded, sincere, and open to ever expanding flows” is my prayer as I enter. I leave, spent and grateful, in awe of the magnitude of blessings I have received and witnessed.

Here (teaching inside the prison chapel), I am who I am meant to be. I invite the flowering love that yearns to be expressed, shared, and released. I am the gift god means us to be to one another. I have no doubts of the goodness inherent within each. I am guided to see beyond betrayal, domination, posturing, and other manifestations of fear. Inside all the contrasts is the expression of harmony, an alignment with love energy, an internal cultivation of peace inside me, inside the men, inside the prison. Here, I have found my place in a community of souls eager to seek together and be called forth by harmony.

The Quaker author, Parker J. Palmer, wrote that “Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you.” It is a good thing to be acting out the divine blueprint for my life. Yet over the years my sense of self-importance, my pride in “going inside,” and of beingtheir spiritual teacher (the ugly savior energy has caused me much consternation), sent me on sabbaticals and into therapy. Over and over I have been returned and humbled, seeing a little more clearly, allowing my life to do what it intends to do with me: push and pull forth harmony, until the foundation of all life, becomes my life.