Who Knew … Life in the “TCC Lane”

A voice speaks: “I know what I said, but I know not what you hear.” I listen carefully. The same phrase is repeated but I am confused about its meaning and origination. It is said: given time, when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

From Spiritual Odyssey, “Out of Bondage,” our teacher Justin Stone writes, “We believe we are perfectly free in our decisions and our movements, but … we will find that we follow certain patterns, sometimes even asking ourselves why we made a particular mistake all over again…”

Who knew that in the middle of a friendly, light-hearted late-night gathering with close friends, I would suddenly be moved to uncontrollable tears? I was casually sharing situations at work that had me continually puzzled and frustrated. Conversation turned to exploration, support and validation. I was totally unprepared for what I was uncovering. Little did I know these particular Habit Energies (Vashanas) were bubbling up at a time that needed my attention. A second teacher has appeared and I received a personal “appetizer” of what was on tap with Marie Dotts’ conference presentation, “Working With Our Habit Energies.” She gave me the courage to discover and work on developing my Essence.

Justin also said, “There is within you that which knows and that is your teacher. That is the true teacher.” With poise, grace, humility and humor, we had a wonderful presentation on Prajna. April Leffler simply shared personal experiences and asked us to set aside anything that didn’t resonate as truth for ourselves. Who knew that I would actually follow my inner guide and let Prajna speak during the filming of the YouTube video? I didn’t think about it, write it out, or practice. I went in, filmed and left, having no idea what I had said. For those who know me well, that is not what I would have typically done. As the third teacher, April gave me the confidence to trust my inner wisdom.

After conference, I go back to my routines: working full time during the day; teaching and leading T’ai Chi Chih groups in the evenings. Work consumes much of my time: way too much work for one person and not enough hours in the day. The holidays are quickly approaching and I seek to find balance with work, classes and family. My life changes with the sudden, unexpected death of my father a week before our holiday gathering. I do not handle it well. In fact, I struggle with this for months. Who knew this would be the time for another teacher, Judy George? As a close friend and spiritual guide she encourages me to feel all of the emotions, to talk with my dad, to write him a letter. It is unfathomable to me. How can I possibly do this when I do not want to let him go? And then she reminds me of “Letting Go,” of staying grounded, and of unconditional love.

Who knew, that after the death of my father, the habit energies that had been present in my work situation would become clearer and Prajna would work overtime? Who knew that in April 2014, I would leave a job I had for 17 years in order to find a better balance and healthier environment, where I didn’t need to be responsible for everything? Who knew that good friends, great teachers, Habit Energies and Prajna would team up and set me straight?

Who knew that what happens at conference doesn’t stay at conference? Who knew what happens at conference permeates every cell of our beings and consciously or unconsciously guides our journeys? Justin knew.