All the protection I need … my true self

Putting oneself in the lifestyle which leads to places like prison and early graveyard trips tends to make you suspicious of all people places and things. It doesn’t begin on the inside of jailhouse walls. It begins on the inside of the person. It starts for some as early as childhood and others are lucky enough to know innocence until later years. You learn suspicion as a defense mechanism that is key to the survival of your identified ‘world self.’

Behind prison walls the general and safe assumption is that everyone you come into contact with is a certified agent of the government if they’re not behind bars with you, and even many who do share your environs seek your destruction. Therefore, the wise move is to create barriers upon barriers so as to insulate yourself within concentric rings of protection to make certain that nothing and no one can penetrate your armor and slay you. If you fail to do so, your fate is subject to be that of a caribou run down by a pack of wolves.

A life led under this banner is not a life … it is merely an existence. It is an existence that shuns communication not only with others, but with your own true self. Your true identity, your spirit, is lost to you. It’s difficult to cope with ‘life’ when your experience is simple existing.

Having said this, Judy, you were a suspect as any ‘volunteer’ who comes to prison. Why would someone ‘volunteer’ to come into the bowels of society? Who do you truly work for and to what ends? These are the types of questions necessary to maintain that personal security. These are the thoughts that arise in reference to a possible ‘agent of the system.’ This is the thinking that brings about that ‘haywire’ action within a person that manifests as lashing out against society and self in the form of crime. One’s spirit unbalanced and operating from a foundation of imbalance is a perfect recipe for disaster in any realm.

Over time and with assistance form your volunteer work in Tai Chi Chih classes, I’ve been graced with my ‘self.’ Not who I thought I was, not who I wanted to be, not a guarded bullet–proof vest, but who I am and always have been … who we all are … pure love. No expectations; no contracts; no threat of expulsion due to poor performance; no ulterior motives or hidden agendas … simply time, patience and genuine spirit communication.

I’ve gone back to that time before time when we all ‘knew without a doubt who we were.’ We ‘were’ even before the spark of conception. I remember the unconditional love of that space we all shared and continue to share now. I see it in the grass; I smell it in the rain; I taste it in the water; I hear it in the bird’s song; I touch it in my heart and the hearts of others. The ‘Oneness’ is undeniable, unmistakable and the greatest protector of all. Pure love surrounds the slightest of atoms to the grandest of stars and it encapsulates me, you, your readers, my jailers, the birds, the bees and the fleas.

I can communicate this because of a volunteer. I don’t simply exist, I am blessed with the experience that is this life. I’m not lost in a swamp of false images. In gaining this clarity, a sense of calm comes. Tai Chi Chih teaches a soft calmness, a stillness that allows you to notice what’s taking place within. You experience your life force energy pumping and flowing and that shrouds you in a Peace similar to the womb. In that stillness, you come to the space of self that allows you to fully recognize the eternal connection no matter what else may be going on. As you go about your day you carry this calm with you and it truly is a comfort to be at ease with self. This ease equips you to meet the world at large. This ease slows everything around you to a crawl when all else around you has sprung a leak and the proverbial ‘ship is sinking.’ You’re able to see the Love and Light that ‘Is.’ No matter what is going on All is Well, because all ‘Is.’

I was brought back to this by someone volunteering to allow me the time to be my ‘self.’