The Gift of Presence

Sister Antonia, the Guide for our T’ai Chi Chih practice, graced Folsom prison with her gentle flow this week. Three groups of 10, 8 and 4 men on ‘B’ Yard benefited greatly from her instruction, wisdom and stillness.

The men seemed to know just enough to take advantage of the refinements and coaching she offered. It’s such a gift for them to hear from another teacher and get a wider perspective.

Sister Antonia started each class with a circle discussion using Justin Stone’s (p. 15 Spiritual Odyssey) quote:

Trying is not the Way / Not trying is not the Way / You say it must be one or the other, / But I say / Neither Nor.

What did it mean to them? Effortlessness … Just do It … being not doing … being in the moment …

Introducing herself, she spoke of her Order’s commitment to marginalized women, paroled women, trafficked women. When she did it in our second class, a noticeable energetic shift occurred that I name as a heart opening, or union in the energy of compassion. At the mention of trafficked women, we both felt it shift the whole room. We did not speak further on the topic, yet a new alignment was apparent.

One group has a lanky, energetic, talkative man of great enthusiasm but little sense of his body or timing. Being across the circle is difficult for him, so he likes to stand next to me. He started out just as awkward and out of sync, but something Sr. Antonia said, coaching to let go of tension in the arms, broke free a block and suddenly he quietly entered into the group flow. I was stunned by the shift. Later after we had sat and heard Justin’s quote about receiving (p.22), he spoke of the sudden effortlessness and a white light penetrating him from above down to his chest. Quietly affirming his experience, Sr. Antonia spoke of the next step towards integrating the mind and the body: circulating the flow of chi between the arms and the legs by attention to the soles of the feet.

Another man spoke of the gift of this class being an experience of the opposite of the divisions they live within (race, gang, away from family, no women). Here they could relax and let down their constant vigilance. Sister encouraged them to continue practicing and learning how to “move as one with no divisions.”

Reflecting with me later as we rested between our 2nd and 3rd class that day, she observed, “I can’t see the bad in them. I can only see the goodness.”

These first two classes were with the “bad boys” of the prison, maximum security Level IV. Our third class was with the Level I men of the Gym dorm. Four of my most regular attendees came and enjoyed not only a practice together but also a lengthy time of sharing. They reflected on their experience with Tai Chi Chih as we allowed the chi to settle.

This teaches me patience and a faith in my fellow man … I don’t yell at the crazies anymore … I have patience with myself, with the time I have yet to serve, with the others I love. I have patience to wait it out. … Our loved ones have a harder time than we do … the two things that keep me sane are my weekly phone calls home to my sister and this class. … Wednesdays are really the beginning of the week; this class gets me ready to live another week here. After class, we see through different eyes the chaos we live within. I have learned to let go of the chaos. This is my medicine. I have learned to see myself differently.